With COVID-19 restrictions starting to lift and families resuming some level of ‘normal life’, it is natural to have mixed feelings during this time, says The Kids mental health researcher Dr Amy Finlay-Jones.
Living through a pandemic involves major challenges for many families – the additional pressure of juggling work and having kids at home, anxiety about contracting the virus and how our loved ones are faring, as well as the threat of job loss and economic insecurity.
But now we are coming out the other side of the pandemic, Dr Finlay-Jones says there are still challenges, albeit different ones, to face.
“While the end of lockdown may be exciting and a great relief to some people, to others the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic will continue to be felt for a long time after the lockdown restrictions have been lifted,” Dr Finlay-Jones says.
“We may feel like we are behind in areas of work or study, that some parts of our lives have slipped completely, and that resuming our pre-lockdown lifestyles feels stressful or draining. As is often the case after a difficult or traumatic event, the true mental health impact of the experience is only seen afterward.”
Dr Finlay-Jones suggests one helpful way to ease the transition and support our mental wellbeing is to practice self-compassion.
“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same care and understanding as you would treat a friend or loved one who was in a similar situation,” she says.
“Research demonstrates that being more compassionate with ourselves can help us to stay resilient in the face of stress and uncertainty.”
A study published in 2018 in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence showed that in adults who had experienced trauma, those who had more self-compassion also had fewer PTSD symptoms and higher levels of resilience.
As part of Dr Finlay-Jones’ own research, she found those who intentionally practiced self-compassion improved their ability to regulate their emotions, allowing them to recover more quickly from stressful events.
“Self-compassion is also beneficial for young people under stress,” Dr Finlay-Jones says.
One study, published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology in 2015, found that among adolescents who had experienced a natural disaster, those with higher levels of self-compassion were less likely to experience symptoms of PTSD, panic, depression and suicidality following the event.
Dr Finlay-Jones says self-compassion can also help with specific challenges that may have arisen during lockdown, such as relationships, parenting, or feeling behind at work or school.
“Studies have found that those with higher levels of self-compassion experience less turmoil in relationships. For parents, it’s been found that even very brief self-compassion interventions can help to reduce the amount of shame and guilt experienced following a challenging parenting event,” she says.
“Research shows self-compassion also helps people to take more responsibility for perceived failures and move past them more quickly, and in a more proactive manner.”
Dr Finlay-Jones says while most people are quick to empathise or provide support for friends and family members, they can struggle to give themselves the same kindness and concern.
“In fact, in times of high stress we may be more likely to fall into unhelpful behaviours like criticising ourselves, blaming others, and getting frustrated with how we feel,” she said.
To help us practice self-compassion, Dr Finlay-Jones urges people to follow the model provided by Associate Professor Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field and the co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program.
1. Make time to check in with how you are feeling.
The first component of self-compassion involves being aware of how we are feeling. It is hard to be compassionate with ourselves if we don’t know when we are struggling. Remember that stress can show up in different ways – from feeling overwhelmed and irritable, to losing appetite, struggling to sleep, and difficulty concentrating. If you notice these signs of stress, it is important not to judge yourself (or others) for feeling this way. Instead, you can practice acknowledging how you are feeling with kindness and concern – much like you would do with a good friend.
2. Remember that you’re not alone in how you feel.
Because it is very natural to feel alone when we are struggling, the second component of self-compassion involves reminding ourselves that we all go through difficult times and experience feelings of stress, sadness, frustration, failure, and guilt. While the details of our challenges are different, having these sorts of feelings is part of the human experience. Recognising our connection to others in this way can help us to feel less alone and make it more likely that we will stop judging ourselves for how we are feeling.
3. Treat yourself the same way you would treat a good friend.
The third component of self-compassion involves being kind and understanding with ourselves when we are having a hard time. This might be as simple as being patient with ourselves, having more flexible expectations of ourselves and others, and not judging ourselves for not doing things perfectly. It can be helpful to think about what we would say and do for a loved one who was in a similar situation. While it can feel self-indulgent at first, being gentle and accepting with ourselves can actually help us feel better so that we are more able to get on with our lives and be there for others.
“Self-compassion is a resource that we can all use to help us navigate the ups and downs of life after lockdown,” Dr Finlay-Jones said.
Further self-compassion resources:
Self-Compassion - Dr Kristin Neff
The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion